People Annoy Me (And You Too)

People annoy me. Without a reason. Maybe because I see most of them as fake. Unnatural. And boring.

Boring. The word that perfectly describes my recent interactions with people. It’s probably because It’s been more than half a year since I came back from abroad. And I find the environment here suffocating for my soul.

It’s like trying to grow a Tulip among weeds. Or weed among Tulips.

My father entered my room. Offered me peanuts. How nice of him. But has he had to come in right fucking now? When I had just submersed into my work. I turned him down. I don’t feel sorry about that. When I work, I work. Ship it

I like to be thought of as careless and cruel. Not that I like it in the sense of identifying myself with these two empty words. I just don’t mind when they call me I am this or that.

Fuck what they think of me.

Fuck their opinions.

Fuck that.

I know what I am going to do in the next following days and weeks. I am just going to embark on a journey. The usual.

Can’t understand how some people let themselves be confined and live within certain mental limitations and self-imposed restrictions. As like the restrictions from outside aren’t already enough. I don’t even try to understand it. Because I don’t want to.

It limits your fucking understanding and violates your inner-compass. Your natural state of being.

So I don’t want to be among such people. This is not where I belong.

Give me room for abstract thinking, the right music, and a bunch of like-minded people and I can spend the rest of my life like that. Oh, and let’s not forget Internet. Give me Internet. How will I, otherwise, have access to my blog? Do they have Internet on lonely Islands?

I go sit. Rest only when I work. For me writing is a mental fitness. Who else perceive life like that? Maybe there is someone who does. Maybe you. You may consider it from now on.

Sometimes I feel so irritated by the greyness around me that I want to jump on the forums and tell the first guy asking for my thoughts on his answer that it’s stupid.

That’s just to add more colours to my day.

Why people search for so much validation? What the fuck. Are they dumb? Screw getting validation from others, dude. Haven’t you approved of yourself already? Why are you asking us about what we think of you. You are you. So fucking live like you.

A little approval is healthy. And healthy only if not received through asking. That’s the approval you get from the right people.

What if I tell you you suck? You ask me, so now the power is in my hands. I can label you as I want. But you are right. They can always tell you that you suck even if you haven’t asked for anything.

You suck. Your comment on Quora sucks. Your fucking nerdy glasses suck. And your oily Chinese hair sucks. And by the way, did I say that you suck?

There you go. Hope that helps you with the feedback.

Don’t thank me!

What? Did you expect to get a positive answer? I find my answer to be quite positive. If you don’t like it, clean your glasses and try reading it again through a clear perspective.

Alright, I admint that was a bit harsh. But no one will be probably able to get a grasp of the so well hidden sarcasm in the text. ‘cause people are blind. They take things seriously all the time.

I can tell them they just stepped on a shit and blame me for having not warned them about it. Bitch, blame the fucking asshole from which it came out. Not me.

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Fuck You.

Today I woke up with a sense of urgency.

I think my cortisol level was higher, the usual.

Fuck you cortisol. I love you for how you are making me feel.

Fuck you life.

Fuck you brain.

Fuck you, Everyone.

Just fuck you.

Gosh, I feel so much better now.

Honestly.

Fuck you is a magical word. And I am a magician.

To fuck is to love.

So fuck you too.

Belaena and Verlandet

The leafs decay, Winter is coming. Never understood this season, everything is cold and dead. Mrs. Verlandet is striding across the road, and she looks nervous and the cause of it is the usual, coffee abstinence. Her body is trembling. The -19 degrees, turns out, are pernicious for any brave heart who tries to oppose the furious winds of such a merciless time of the year.

She finally reaches the tavern, where she drinks her morning cafe every day with one of her best friends, Mrs. Belaena. They were best friends since gymnasium high school years. It’s not surprising at all, since Belaena is considered to be one of the sexiest brunettes in Vinderlicht, while Verlandet, well, she is her opposite. She is the blonde version of Adriana Lima. All the guys were stunned by their beauty, especially after they teamed up in 8th grade.

Initially, Belaena and Verlandet didn’t like each other so much, because they were both athletes in the same team and there was this, you know, sports malice, so they always tried to outcompete one another. Though, after they turned fifteen-years-old, they came together as friends and began to share their desks in high school. Seems that things can always turn around, eh?

The Life-changing dream

Last night I had a mind-boggling dream. It was something I might have not experienced for a long time, if ever. But when I woke up in the morning I felt somehow changed. Like there was a shift in, er, my consciousness because of it. The day after that felt very different for me.

I have heard about these mind-altering dreams before. They say that when such a dream happens to you, it signifies a new cycle in your life where things change their direction. Well, I wasn’t sure how true that was but I think I can take a guess now.

As much as I can recall, actually, I vaguely can recall what exactly happened, but the dream involved me, Eric, Mo, and some alien none of us had ever met before (especially Eric and Mo. These guys couldn’t have met it whatsoever, unless I and them were having the same dream, at the same time.)

Have you ever asked yourself, how aliens, if we ever establish any contact with them, would communicate with us if they come to Earth? Do you think they would be able to speak our language? Or maybe will use only gestures? What about a combination of both? As far as I know, they would use telepathy, of course, to project their thoughts directly on our minds. Isn’t that amusing?

Unkown

First time meeting these guys, they seem quite friendly, maybe a little funny. You would never tell they are studying for lawyers. Still undergraduates, still on their way, maybe that’s why their friendliness and openness is so obviously impressive. Sometimes it’s a whole wonder when such people really like you. Or maybe they don’t really like you.
Maybe their wide, shiny smiles are just another way of covering up what’s underneath the mask. It’s possible that someone has lied to them that “smile is your biggest weapon”, and they might have taken it wholeheartedly, literally. But they don’t look serious, their welcoming attitude reveals their stealth. You can never be so friendly and responsive with a guy you met for the first time. Or maybe you can.

We are heading to the cafe now. So many people around us. Well, not so many, though. Just a few, but look like many. There must be a couple others imaginary psychos living in each, but hasn’t everyone got at least two more identities they switch to back and forth in their heads? Nothing serious. Just trying to find a reason to justify the “many in the few”. Hm. I am dreaming. Something, must not be right. She wants to suck m…

*Waking up; heart hammering; sweatin’, gladly proclaiming, “It was so damn good.”

Today is peaceful

Today, I feel a lot more peaceful. I feel a sense of serenity and calmness. I think my prefrontal cortex is in charge here. The thing is that I’ve done a good deal of work this day. I managed to start writing an article for my other blog, the one that I try to take off the ground and hopefully make me famous (bullshit.) But I am half done with this article I told you about and that’s important. Tomorrow I will finish it entirely and it is ready to go. But I am not going to publish it here. Here is different. This little-known corner is the secret place on the Internet that I have carved out for myself. And it serves the purpose of a brain-dump for my mind and thoughts. I don’t know, one day it may become a very interesting place for my future me. Or maybe for someone who is stumbling across it for the first time. Someone like you. And he might be shocked by what he’s gonna find.

Or maybe just glad that he found his soulmate. *Sigh

Frustrated by trivialities

Climbing up the stairs at 12:30am, opening the door and enter, finally I am in my apartment. Exhausted from my thoughts, I undress as quickly as possible, throw the jacket onto the hanger and go to the bathroom in a fast pace, to wash myself from the dirtiness. My mental state is overloaded and I feel explosion is overdue, almost want to hit the guy I see in the mirror, while rinsing my eyes with the hope it will all go away as quickly as possible.

I can’t stand that, haven’t you experienced that as well? Now, I feel so overwhelmed in my life that I just want to throw every fucking single thing around me in the trash can and then throw the trash can into the trash bin, and then throw the trash bin into, well, god knows where. Even he doesn’t know, actually.

Being concerned and frustrated by so many trivial things bugs my life to death. One moment, I am reading about some douchebag telling how important and scientifically backed up meditation is for your well-being, mentally and physically, the next moment, I see some self-help junkie – into which category I am also falling, ironically – cursing on meditation and coming up with all kinds of bizzare theories about how meditation makes prone to getting possessed by evils from some parallel universe.

Then I read other information, and EVERYONE is constantly contradicting themselves. So much bs and all of this stupid fucks deserve to suck the ballsack of my thirty five year old dog. I just tell you to fuck off cause I don’t give a shit about your damn crap, cocksuckers.

Who?

So what’s behind the curtains? Well, there are no naked women or ripped men in swimsuits. There is just some twenty-two years old asshole, who’s got a beard, quit his job, and dropped out of university in order to start a blog. And now lives with his parents hoping not to be expelled from home.

Sorry to disappoint you.

To be honest, I am not a teacher, a crazy scientist genius, or a self-proclaimed guru. I have never had a dream job either. And I’ve never thought that I will eventually get to do something with words, but here I am, writing.
Let me quickly familiarize you with myself.

My usual routine consists of:

  •  Spending time with my best friends The Joker and Doctor Doom. They say I almost ruined their life.
  • Enjoying alone time. It saves me the need to wash my teeth before bed, change my clothes, or take a shower every day, and still, nobody notices. So keep it secret.
  • Waking up with a sense of optimism that I will go to bed a little wiser than I was when I woke up. But sometimes, there are days I feel I didn’t do anything more than just one step forward, one step backward. These are usually the days when I give in to the desire for watching hardcore sex between cats, eating chocolate candies, and pretending “everything is fine”, just to later on begrudgingly decide against it and start writing.
    Writing is something I do because I think I have what to say to myself. I won’t lie to you. I am doing it for a very selfish reason. And it is to find some peace of mind. It’s very easy for me to find that “peace” in other alternative things like alcohol, drugs, sex, fighting, trolling in forums and under youtube videos, in order to suppress the negatives I take in from my days. I have done some of the above many times before. Didn’t work. I found my filter in writing. So I am doing to purge myself. And if someone can benefit from it, that’s a plus.

All in all, I am quiet, calm and friendly. And like everyone else I have my limits. When I reach them, I use different techniques, like smashing mirrors or meditating or writing, for healing all emotions on the spot. Otherwise, I am easily tempted to jump out of my skin and bite somebody’s head off, or worse, eat two packs of Pringles.

Reinventing Yourself

I have always had the strange gut feeling that your life is only whatever you get to create out of it. That it is given to you. And once it’s been given to you, it becomes your responsibility, in every way possible. You have to live with this responsibility regardless of whether you realize it or not. This is the choices you make and if you make shitty choices, you will have a shitty result, respectively, if you make less shitty choices, you will live less shitty life. Yeah, basically, I just called life a shit, but it is beautiful.

As much as I can recall my childhood, it pretty much went like this “I am one, you are two” Sometimes it was like this “Punch him in the face. Yeah, that’s right, kick him, kick him, stronger.” And if I wanted to stay there, a lot of punches in the face were waiting for me. So I stayed.

What I like about life is that it is a series of concepts that you get to try for yourself and see which one works and which doesn’t, and your concept is slightly different than mine. How you choose to live this concept is completely up to you. Will you follow somebody else in their support? Will you swiftly decide to connect with your own life and stand up for yourself, do your own thing? Will you let yourself fall into foreign frameworks, living up to foreign arbitrary beliefs, and ideas? Sometimes we are buried under a massive pile of rubble that makes us unable to see clearly where we are going.

Throughout my life, there were many times, major and minor, where I was in a desperate need for reinventing my subtle inside parts. And many times, as much as I want to say that I received help for it, I didn’t. I did it on myself mostly. This is what reinvention is all about. It’s about slapping yourself in the face with your own hand while staring yourself in the bathroom mirror and then rinsing your eyes with tap water. Maybe you are wondering now, yes, I have had done it a couple of times. And It’s a whole different bag of Burritos under the hood. It requires a decent amount of willpower and knowing where to channel this willpower so it can work to your advantage, instead of working against you.

At first glance, this might seem quite easy for you, the hungry forward thinking fellah, but it requires a great deal of effort to manage certain aspects of your life and it will be an ongoing effort demanding sustained action. But that’s the price tag we have signed up for in our life contracts prior to being born, and we have to use our attention and time wisely for our gentle self-improvement, be it personal, interpersonal, or for some whatever else personal basic level of shit. In fact, it all starts with putting the piece of self-awareness puzzle together, bit by bit, to enable us catch a glimpse of our own power and use it to consciously reinvent, to improve, alter or tweak the outer parts of our inner-selves so they match up the core that makes us up.

The process of reinventing never ends, well, it ends up once you are dead, but I don’t think we are there yet, right? The gear box of conscious reinvention is simple in structure but rich in possibilities. It includes only fast and slow gears and is concerned with all aspects of our lives to correct the course of our sails and keep us on track, in our personal or professional lives, in our relationships and our partnerships.

Reinventing is a mere acceptance of doing something even if you don’t now what you are doing like I don’t know what I am writing right now. It is the knowing that in an ever changing, wiggly world, you can never be a hundred percent sure. Because it will change.

Aristotle once wrote, “It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.”

Aristotle has been right. Questioning ourselves and doubting our own thoughts and beliefs is one of the hardest skills to develop. However, it is an inevitable and important part of our lives that rather sets us free of our insecurities, avoidances, and delusions. It makes us do something with our lives, and reinvent a better tomorrow for ourselves and those around us, not just sit there, watching the relentless soul that once rouse within us, falling down, burning, and getting eaten up by nothing.

So, after all, what the hell I will be talking about on this blog? I don’t know, because if I knew, i probably wouldn’t be here writing this nonsense.

America Is Greatly Fucked Up

America has got serious (mental) problems. I mean, really fucking SERIOUS. Dude. But I am not falling for this bs. I am not an American, and probably if I was, I still would not be tricked like that.

Fix the fucking problems inside of you. The crappy governments there or anywhere else are not your problem. When are you going to get this? Oh, I forgot that you all feel sleepy. So go to sleep and dream of unicorns and rainbows (AND MONEY!), and don’t you fucking dare bother me with your bullshit.

P.S. I am a very highly empathetic person, but not when it comes down to what is outside of you, cause what is outside of you is dumb shit. And if you care about it, what does that say about you? Wait, keep it for yourself as I don’t really wanna hear It.